The Cinderella complex, when oblivion becomes the norm

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Disney “Cinderella” – Disney A golden cage preferable to an uncertain freedom, as Simone de Beauvoir said: “women accept their submission to avoid the tension of an authentic life.” WOMEN – Everyone knows the story of Cinderella. This traditional tale, made famous by Charles Perrault and later by the Brothers Grimm, in which a young woman, orphaned by a kind and gentle mother, finds herself almost enslaved by her stepmother and her daughters. This young woman is nicknamed Cinderella because she spends all day keeping the house and is therefore covered in ashes. Despite the bullying and teasing of her new family (the absent father never intervenes to protect his daughter), Cinderella refrains from mean thoughts towards her and continues to pour her heart into her work. Are you starting to see what the Cinderella Complex is? The modern version of Cinderella could be called Sylvie or Nathalie, who struggles through the day at work and comes home: laundry, cooking, cleaning, doing the children’s homework and other “chores” while waiting for an item to arrive outdoor. at least gratify him and make him better… In the story, he’s a prince charming, in real life a boss? A husband? That’s it, the interdependence pattern is in place. Daily dedication and sacrifice In this syndrome, there is only one winner. Nathalie gives it her all at work, messing around with repeated symptoms, and never gets any acknowledgment from her boss that she allows herself, plus comments she never responds to. As for Sylvie, it is at home that she sets this plan in motion: she takes extreme care of her husband and older teenagers, even anticipating their wishes without ever offering a compliment or even a thank you… He doesn’t have time to go there anymore. to the gym, to the hairdresser or even to have a coffee with her friends. In short, they accept all this grumbling and frustration without wanting to emancipate themselves. A golden cage preferable to an uncertain freedom, as Simone de Beauvoir once said: “women accept their submission to avoid the tension of an authentic life”. It was Colette Dowling who, in 1981, gave this name “Cinderella complex” based on the observation of her own life. Although her new partner does not ask her for anything, from a freelance writer who raises her three children alone, she transforms, of her own volition, into a housewife cooking good meals, keeping the house spotless, ceasing to invest his career ends and he no longer recognizes himself. It was after conversations with her colleague that she wrote an article that resonated with many women who recognized themselves in this pattern. What are the origins of Cinderella syndrome? And what ? What is going on in the minds of these women for whom forgetting themselves seems to be the norm? Does the starting point come from an external imposition or a self-requirement to put oneself on hold for the benefit of others? Is it a lack of recognition in childhood that makes a girl want to do twice as much to be looked at and valued? Is it a reproduction of family and social patterns that want us women to be ordered to do everything to feel legitimate? Is it a badly overcome childhood trauma (Cinderella is mourning her mother) that prevents her from reacting to orders, to devaluations? What if it wasn’t just a genre story about a girl waiting to be set free by a prince charming? What if it was precisely multifactorial? Because forty years have passed since 1981 and Saverio Tomasella, in his latest book, shows us that men also show signs of this Cinderella complex. And yes, waiting for external recognition, and admittedly illusory, or rushing headlong into work until exhaustion, is unfortunately not just a female specialty. The French-Swiss psychoanalyst gives us a different reading of the story that allows us not to feel only the poor victim. It highlights the creativity of the unconscious embodied by the good fairy godmother, which allows Cinderella’s wishes to not only be expressed but ultimately come true. What to be optimistic about to listen to their needs, their wishes and above all to make them concrete. How to get out of this syndrome? Of course, this will inevitably happen through a transformation of the education of girls but also of boys, listening to their wishes and above all making them responsible for their realization. Because yesterday’s fairy tales have become teen series where the norms of the girl-who-stops-her-studies-to-follow-a-rich-fool (as in the Twilight series for example) are still very present. Fortunately, in children’s cartoons, this tends to gradually change: the princesses Mulan or Fiona in Shreck are (admittedly, at the end of the cartoon) the equals of the princes. It’s time to change the female model. Step 1: Recognize this behavior in yourself Identify the actions that can show that we are possibly in this behavior pattern. Because awareness is the starting point of all change. Step 2: Take responsibility Return to oneself, to one’s own needs and desires, and above all, to one’s own history. Because yes, psychological or physical violence suffered in childhood can cause the appearance of this syndrome, as well as an education without affection or with contained emotions. So getting in touch with your past and accepting it without guilt will be the second step. Then it will be a matter of accepting that this scheme only exists if everyone is an interested part of the system… Not so easy, but essential. Step 3: Get help Getting out of a system is never easy and being accompanied by a professional is essential support, especially in cases of traumatic childhood. Getting out of a system is never easy and being accompanied by a professional is essential support, especially in cases of traumatic childhood. See also at The HuffPost: The mental load on the couple, a problem he tried to solve by filming his daily life. You cannot see this content because you have rejected cookies associated with third-party content. If you want to see this content, you can change your preferences.
#Cinderella #complex #oblivion #norm

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